Missions:Not juz abt spreading the gospel but it's also abt Obedience..

Just as i thot I have passed the test n come out stronger spiritually, I was dealt another blow again today..

Although i wld say tt i haf not fully recovered fr all the emotional rollercoaster i was facing since sunday nite, i was more or less ok..at least not depressed or teary-eyed cos i was quite convicted n assured of God's presence in my life..

Yet i think either God was still testing me n teaching mi abt wat he wans mi to learn, or Satan was trying to crush mi with all the spiritual "attacks" he was putting me thru..in my prev entry i did share abt my missions trip to Japan n how tt door was closed..went to find the CCC staff to ask if it's possible to include me..but it's a case-by-case basis n apparently it's all by support-raising n not we raise our own money so i think chances of mi gg japan will b quite low cos the cost is so high!

Although she was willing to help mi put in a request, i felt tt God has already closed tt door n i shd consider other options, ie thailand,cambodia etc..but i've asked my mummy abt it b4 n she was paranoid n refused to let me go..of cos i noe if i insisted she cant do anythg to mi but i din wan her to worry so i opted to juz focus on japan..

But seriously i felt as tho a door had juz been slammed shut into my face..it was really a horrible feelg..esp aft i knew e fact tt the expenses were raised thru support raising so if me n sher had known it earlier, we wld haf signed up earlier too cos money wasnt a barrier anymore..so in a way i really felt tt God has clearly closed e door to Japan cos all e timing was juz so not rt..but gd tt Sher learnt sth thru this too..tt she has been depending too much on her own strength n had forgotten wat it really meant to seek God on her decisions..so in a way this support raising ans not only solves her worries but also let her realise how much she has been relying on her own strength..

N since Sher's trying for thailand n she expressed tt she really wanted mi to go along, i decided to try asking my parents tonight..at tt pt of time i was still abit complacent..i knew tt my parents wld eventually allow mi to go if i pushed harder..but wat came nxt wasnt wat i had expected..

Of cos my mummy objected n she kept sayin drugs lah, bad ppl lah etc..aft tt she kept askg mi NE or S thailand better cos i had a choice..i told her S was the more problematic area n NE was more the tribal area so more peaceful but she kept blahblahblah-ing..n she knew i wld haf trng so she was even more reluctant, knowing tt i cldnt go bk to hk for the hols..plus the trip's abt a mth n it ends on my bday so she was even more worried n upset..my mum's ezier to handle..but she asked mi to tok to my daddy..n tt was when i really faced the hardest thing i've eva faced..

"Y u so kay-poh?" was the 1st response i heard when he came to the phone. He told mi tt i shd juz let ppl believe wat they wanted to believe in n tt ppl wld definitely not convert cos thais r v staunch buddhist, esp in the tribal areas..when i told him tt it's in God's commandments in the Bible to fulfil the Grt Commission n reach out to the unreached..he snapped n say "dun talk to mi abt the bible"..i was really hurt n in tears by then..cos it's quite sad to hear ur closest family who are also believers n followers of Christ actually being skeptical abt God's Word n Truth..i was upset tt my parents did not c God as sum1 who's supernatural..who protects n loves us as His Children..tt HE'll not allow us to be harmed in any way..my mummy juz kept emphasising on the danger..yet if we're doing God's work, we shd trust tt He'll protect us..n my daddy thinks it's a waste of time..yet in e bible

Matt 28:19-20 " Therefore go & make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father & of e Son & of e Holy Spirit......And surely, I am with you always, to e v end of e age.", Jesus commanded us Christians to go preach the gospel to ppl..n tt He'l b w us always thru the journey.

At tt pt in time i really felt the persecution fr my parents..it's amazing cos all my life i've been a Christian..my parents too..so i cld nvr understand e kind of struggles which my peers undergo when they accept Christ as most of their families r non-Christians..but today, in e 1st time in my entire life, I was faced w persecution for being a Christian fr my family..n i can tell u, the feelg SUX!but it made mi even more convicted to go for missions cos i realise tt it's not juz abt spreading the gospel but it's abt obeying God..

So in a nutshell, wat i've learnt fr all the lessons yest n today on e mission trip:

1. God made mi search my heart n ask myself wat my real intention for gg to missions was? n my ans was it was for my own selfish-ness more than a burden for ppl..

2. God showed me how i was being complacent n taking things for granted..cos i din haf to worry abt money for missions n i knew tt wateva it is i wld still be able to go for missions even if my parents r reluctant..but God has really tested mi n showed mi how real persecution can b..to actually go thru it n feel tt pain n sadness..it was v hurting but i am glad i've gone thru it cos at least i do not tk being a Christian for granted but rather c it as a gift fr God..

3. God tested my obedience towards Him..I finally understand tt it's not abt the places i choose to go for missions but rather the heart condition in which i choose to go in..n also whether i was obedient enuff to go even tho i faced objection, persecution n also fear..There's only 1 door opened for mi now..n tt's e door to obedience..to fulfil God's commandments..

4. God has also taught me to be more optimistic..even if all doors r closed n i cant go for missions o/s, i may b alil devastated but i noe tt i can still quickly get bk up onto my feet cos i noe God has sth better planned for me..whether it's to serve in church or reach out to other ppl.. wateva it is i noe i juz gotta trust in Him..

yup had a really grt QT with Him juz now..havent prayed so much in a day for so long..it's really grt!n many verses juz popped up along the way!heh..shall share more abt them in my nxt entry=p

Prayer Point: Dear Heavenly Father, I pray tt as mi n Sher tk tt step of faith to obey u oh Lord, I pray tt u open doors for us to go for missions, be it financially, mentally, wisdom etc..i pray tt our hearts r conditioned to pray n outreach to ppl who do not noe u yet Lord..i pray tt we'l feel more burden to evangelise..Lord, u say tt if we dun haf wisdom, we can ask n u'l grant it to us..so Lord..even if we feel inadequate in our bible knowledge, i noe Lord u'l equip us adequately to share..I pray also tt in wateva circumstances n obstacles tt i may face ahead, wateva disappointments or hurts, Father, I'l place them at ur feet n trust tt u'l carry mi thru them all. Give me emotional strength n courage to face the challenges ahead.. tt i'l not give up n persevere for u haf said tt "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."~James 1:12. I thank u Lord for this opportunity u haf given mi to learn more abt ur will n abt myself n for all the lessons i've learnt thru this experience..it may haf been testing n tiring, but Lord it's only thru them can i truly experience how real u r in my life..i thank u and present my requests unto u..In Jesus most precious name i pray...Amen..