Reflections..

Alot of reflections aft today's CG..but cant seem to form my feelgs n emotions into words..at 1st wasnt so affected when Tim was sharing..but dunno y when i came bk..juz felt lyk crying out..so juz spent some time prayin n crying to God when i got bk..din really noe wat i was feelg or wat to pray abt but i think God noes..He was comforting me as i poured my heart out in tears..no words..heh..it's so true tt through it all, He's still e only 1 i can really pour my heart to..to cry for help to..

Was juz thinkg juz now..realise tt i've closed my heart alot more since i came bk to Sg..my frens in Aust wld noe how i love to cry..how emotional i am..but sumhow as i grow older..as i live longer in this world..i've stopped crying so much..n even if i cried..it's not to ppl anymore..most o the time only to God..y?i also dunno..gd thing or bad thing?i also dunno..but sumtimes i juz wished i cld cry out to someone n b comforted too..but sumhow now..i'm quite contented2juz cry in e arms of my heavenly Father cos i haf learnt tt He nvr forsakes me..tt His love is ever so overwhelming.. nobody else can compare..

As much as Tim hopes we support him n those helpg him..i too hope he n e rest supports me..it's a chain effect..noe he has 9 others to tk care of too..super tiring..but sumtimes i juz wonder how much does he noe of us?he hears it only fr a few ppl..but has he asked me how i really feel?hmm..juz sum thots..noe he's mkin e effort..but as much as i c his effort..i think it's in e same perspective he's cyin mine (effort)..cos we r not involved in ea other's lives..he doesnt c the small things i do lyk msgin sum sis n bros to encourage them (tho i really find msgin a chore=p) or even accompanying them sometimes2do stuff tho i'm tired or not in e mood..i'm aft all still quite an arrogant character who loves my own private space..kinda wanna b in my own world sumtimes n isolate myself fr others..but i'm mkin e effort cos i believe in fellowship n serving others..it's sth which ppl cant c w their naked eyes..

dowan2sound defensive over here..but as much as ppl feel taken for granted..sumtimes i do feel e same way..i may not haf been asked2serve e CG in any specific responsibilities (tho i wld love to) but it's e little things which i try to do..i dun do it cos i wan them2acknowledge these acts or feel close to me..i do it cos i love them..i wanna do sth for them..i wanna spend time w them..i wanna encourage them juz as how they encourage me..

my dream has always been to build a CG where everyone cares4one another n r involved in one another's lives..in a way..we share our lives--our tears n joy-- w one another..it's ok to feel burdened4them when they come2me w their troubles as long as they open up n lighten e wt on their shoulders n by listening n supporting, it helps them come bk to God..tt's wat bros n sisters r for..to support n encourage one another..when 1 falls, the other helps him/her up..it's as ez as tt!

of cos ea o us has our own demons2battle..our own commitments..i can understand how tired n frustratg it feels2get no or ill response fr sum1 cos i've been reachg out to others myself..n it's quite disheartening..i myself am at tt recovery stage..i may seem v happy n hyper all e time but i still need sum1 to push me, to help me up..cos i guess i've been so worn out fr my prev efforts in reachg out to those God has placed in my heart..but juz tt e person pushing me will definitely b worn out too..haiz..i do try mkin e effort to respond..but sumtimes i fail2..i think sumtimes we need2give n tk..of cos it needs2b a 2-way thing..at least i try..but juz tt sumtimes i need alil more push fr those spiritually stronger than me..tt's y i kept emphasising e need4more open communications wthin e sisters..at least noe who's spiritually dry or weary so tt those stronger can lend a helpg hand..

dunno..had alot more thots..but cant seem2rem them..nowadays i prefer to juz forgive n forget..no pt brooding over unhappy stuff..juz lyk wat the protagonist in e show i've been watchg e past few days says "?????,???????"..was thinkg..tt's so true..we juz need2smile n move on..

Prayer: Dear Lord.. i pray for a willing heart..for me n my dear sisters..to be patient n willing to tk tt step o faith..to give me e strength when i'm weary n burnt out..i wanna build up this fellowship..esp wthin e sisters..give me a more loving heart so tt i'l love them even more..i noe it's difficult to keep us tog n build bonds but God..nth is impossible in ur Kingdom because we're doin it for u!I pray for my stubborness to be soften..tt i can accept wat i still cant accept now..to learn things all over again..to put down my pride in the things i do..i think i need more faith in e little things i'm doing cos i noe tt these r juz e start of the grter plans u haf in store for me..I'm willing to b used..so Lord..tk me, mould me into sum1 u wan me to become..Thank u for everythg u've blessed me w..esp NYCA2..Lord u c my heart..u noe how i feel..let me not b affected by wat others c or think cos Lord i'm only answerable to u..as long as u wan me to..i'm willing to serve ur ppl..thank u Father..thank u..In Jesus name I commit myself to u..Amen..

Somehow..hav been feelg at peace this whole wk as i spent time w God n praising n worshipping him tho this wk was a bz wk..He gave me the chance to reach out to HF n LH n even geo!heh..my heart n flesh r weak..but my Lord prevails!:)let's jiayou tog NYCA2!:)