Emotions..Reconciliation..

couldnt study so decided to blog..heh..quite jialut..havent started studyin..think abit emotionally drained fr yest n today..tt's y i hate to cry..cos it always mks me tired..

oh well..today was another bz day..went to church earlier cos met the sisters to pray..in e end ended up talking away then only started prayin ltr..haha..n had to do card for wenjiang cos it's his bday tmr..

toked to sherwyn on e phone in e afternoon..shared abit on how i feel..quite surprised to hear tt jo feels tt i dun share my inner thots w her..cos i do..juz tt i dun automatically run to the sisters wheneva i feel down..in a way it's true tt if i put myself into sherwyn's shoes,tt's exactly how she's feelg now..as in she dun automatically run to us cos we all dun feel close..but i think 1 big difference here is tt i dun even go to anyone..n it's not tt i dowan to share..it's juz tt i cant find any1 to share w..geo's always w spencer,sher bz w her frens' probs..of cos still haf pris..but also dowan to scare her..think her studies is stressing her out so much..need to look out for her health too..yar..so realise tt in e past yr..haf been swallowing more n more of my feelgs..mayb it's a form of escapism..told sherwyn tt i've come to terms w alot of things..e hurts,disappointments..it's not tt they dun burden mi anymore..it's juz tt i choose to accept them n not think of them..tk them w a pinch of salt..n wheneva i feel down i'l juz go bk to God..mayb tt's y i dun feel any intense depression etc..heard quite a few sisters went thru some big stuff aft water bap..at 1st i was quite afraid too..but i think as long as i keep myself close to God, even Satan cant do anything to me..Man fails but God does not..told sherwyn wheneva she feels down..juz cling onto this phrase..cos it's soso true..

Abit worried now..tho told sherwyn tt i'm really ok..no spiritual attacks or dry period..but these 2 days abit more emotional than b4..n i noe my weakness lies in my emotions..n Satan always uses them to strike a blow to me..esp in terms of family n frens..cos i really treasure them alot..still tryin to learn to let go..esp of a particular frenship..some1 whom i treasure alot..ppl cant understand y i still hold on so dearly to this fren..but as much as we do haf our differences n i get fed up n frustrated w her, i still love her alot..it's sad to think tt we've been thru so much but at e end of uni, we're lyk strangers..i dowan tt to happen..but i've realised tt some things r beyond my ctrl..

sometimes i'l wonder how our frenship will b lyk if i din choose to come bk to Sg..as much as she's hurt me..i think i've hurt her even more..n when everythg adds up, it becomes wat it is today..n i guess becos i feel guilty, i try to give her more space..but sumtimes it may seem tt i dun care..but it's not true..ppl c mi as sum1 who openly shows my feelgs..yar it's true to a certain extent..but when it concerns ppl i really care abt, most o e time i dun dare to show my concern..i'l juz give tt person space n time to live their lives n c fr afar, prayg for them,n always on a lookout for them..if they need me, i'l def try to b there for them..noe i shd change..cos i think this lack of courage in facing them is harming many of my frenships..n i'm always deeply affected by them..

But i shall not lose faith!juz lyk how God soften LKW's (my tutor) heart during my presentation yest (heh..i was super scared n stressed over my presentation cos he's known for his sharp 'shooting' n sarcasm..but surprisingly when it was my turn, i din kena alot!in fact he was helpin me along!haha..my grpmates even turned to me n told me it seems tt he's nicer to gals..haha..but i noe tt's not true cos he has shot gals w questions abt their presentations b4 until they seemed lyk they were gonna cry..heh..i knew it was e help of the Holy Spirit lah..esp since i had prayed juz b4 i went for the presentation:)n i cld actually ans those qns he posted..heh..PTL!)anw..yar..i believe tt with prayer, reconciliation will happen:)

Prayer point: Dear Father, i come to u today w a heart for reconciliation..to not juz reconcile my frenships w others..esp w those i regard dearly..but also to reconcile them w u too..i wan to b a gd testimony..to show how real n gd u r in my life..Lord..i pray agst any bitterness, unforgiveness, hurts i may still harbour..free mi fr these bondages tt i may truly live a Christ-centred life..i pray tt during this bz period, i'l ctn to feel tt joy of knowing u n not feel stressed nor worried cos u r my Jehovah Jireh..my provider..i pray agst any spiritual attacks Satan tries to carry out on me..i dowan to b emotional..but stable n strong..e one who lives in me is grter than the one who lives in e world!yup!keep me close to u oh Lord..cos i nvr wanna let u go..thank u dear Father for ur faithfulness,forgiveness n grace tt u haf shown onto a sinner lyk me..i pray tt juz lyk u haf forgiven my sins, i'l learn to forgive myself for the hurts i've caused others..in Jesus name i pray..Amen..