1??????

juz watched 1?????? ("1 litre of tears")..wah..i really cried my eyes out every episode lol!!!had put off watching it cos i knew it was v v v sad n i was gonna cry lyk mad!but aft my baptism..dunno y but feelg v teary-eyed in a way..havent really cried my heart out in a long long time b4 cryin durin my baptism..heh..so watched it lol..

dunno if i can say i regretted watchg cos aft my quiz yest (where i woke up at 5am(think by the Holy Spirit cos i told God i'l wake up at 5am to study since i slpt at 11.30pm on sun nite..n interestingly, i awoke a few min b4 my alarm clock rang=p)anw..yar i was sayin aft my quiz yest, i was super tired but had to do proj+jap..so by the time at nite i was totally in a daze mode..n head feelg heavy..n i watched the show till 330am!n had to pop a panadol cos i was havin a headache fr all tt cryin+fatigue fr the whole day..

but i love the show lah!it was gd!vv touching..the song was also v apt..lyrics v meaningful..esp the last part where they showed the pictures of the real gal showing a jiayou sign(clenched fist)n the lyrics of the song went :"??????�(strongly move on ahead)

"Only Human" by K (1 litre of tears theme song)

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dunno y whenever hear this song i'l feel lyk crying..cos i guess the show's really sad ba..it's based on the real life story of this jap gal who was down with this disease that eats away her life little by little..first with her movements, then her speech..but while this goes on, her mind is perfectly clear n noes what is happening..so it's lyk living in a prison..at the end, u cant move, cant express urself at all..

wah..juz watchg the show is so heartbreakg,crying almost every episode, i cant imagine if i knew sum1 lyk this..in fact i was thinkg if it happened to my daughter, i dun think i can b as strong as the mum in the story..(btw she wrote this bk in memory of her daughter)..but yar..she has 3 other kids but she still persevered on n stuck by her daughter the whole time!till her death..the sacrifices she made, the love she had for her daughter..the unity of the family..it was really heart rendering..

wat made it even sadder was the fact tt the gal was only 15 when she found out abt her illness..15..tt's a tender age..a time where we juz discovered the world..to have fun w frens, enjoy ur youth n freedom n also fall in love!it's quite sad to c how the gal had to slowly give up things she treasured in her life--sports, studies, dreams of gg into uni,to work n also to get fall in love n get married..there was juz so much things she din get to try..it made mi reflect abt my life..the countless hrs spent stoning n not doin anythg..wasting all my time..haha..so aft watchg the show, whenever i catch myself not doin anythg i'l think of tt gal..but haha..i think i'm still a procrastinator..sumtimes humans r lyk tt ba..only learng to treasure when we r involved in the situation..

oh well..when we die is all already decided by God..i noe as long as i've not finished my mission in His kingdom, i'l still b hanging ard on Earth=p actually i feel tt dying isnt scary..i dun fear death when it concerns juz me..but when it concerns ppl i love, i think i fear it more than ever..of cos i wldnt wanna contract some disease tt slowly eats mi away lyk the gal in the show..but yea..death isnt all tt fearful cos i noe i'l haf an everlasting life up there in heaven..but it's quite sad if not everyone's w u there..haha..oh well..not the time to think of such stuff..i'm not gonna die yet!not if God wans mi to go bk to Him earlier=p

Wilson's 21st dinner celebration:)

Juz returned fr a sumptuous dinner treat by one of my dearest bros--Wilson!!!heh..v touched by this dear bro of ours..treated the whole CG plus sisters fr our prev CG too!can c the heart he has for us..havent even treated his other frens or parents yet!haha..yar..n it's not cheap lol!Penang buffet dinner at Allson hotel!n 15ppl altog!

As i looked at my church bros n sis..i thot abt nxt yr when i graduate..will i really b gg to hk n leaving Hope Church?although i'l still b moving on to the adult's CG n wun b in the same CG as half o my CG peeps now, at least i'l still b in Hope..still in Sg..sumhow..i've already settled down in Hope..unlike those days when i used to come n go as i please n not feel a sense of belonging to any church..

i really dowan to feel lost n drifting ard lyk i did the past 2.5yrs..it's a horrid feelg!i now understand wat others haf been telling me--that we shd stay rooted to a church!i nvr used to think it's a big deal..perhaps cos i've not been a regular church-goer since young..only went cos my frens were there..but aft experiencing God in a real way n wantg to build a r/ship w Him, i realise church is not abt a congregation gathering juz to noe more ppl n stand by ea other n worshipping God, it is a place where we can build a more intimate r/ship w Him n w other believers..it's a place of support,love,joy..a house, a family..

tt's y sumtimes i tell my frens tt Christianity is not juz a religion, it's a r/ship with God!haha..this i'l elaborate further in another entry when i have the time..but yar..alot of ppl think i'm too stick in the mud..lyk y i muz get a Christian bf etc..but it's not the "Christian" label i'm lookg for, but a r/ship w the same values n beliefs as me..

Anw..bk to gg bk to HK..hav been quarelling w mummy over this cos i told her i may consider stayin bk in Sg to work..it's really contradictory..on e 1 hand i do wanna go HK cos i wanna experience working o/s when i'm young n haf no baggage..also..i miss my family..n thinkg how long more i can get to live w them on Earth, i'l always wanna fly straight bk n stay by my parents's side..but yet on e other hand, i noe tt my spiritual life will go haywire again if i leave..everytime i uproot myself n go to another place, it'l tk mi at least 6mths to settle down..it really isnt ez!now aft much effort n 3 yrs, i've finally settled down in Sg, in Hope, i've gotta think abt leaving in another half a yr's time?!!oh well..everythg i shall juz leave it to Him above to guide me..as much as i may not lyk the outcome, i noe tt it'l b in my best interest..juz lyk comin bk to sg..y?i still dunno..but i'm slowly beginning to discover His purpose in me returning..haha..oh well..mayb aft i graduate n look bk can i really understand it ba?:)

yup so bk to Wilson's bday celeb..we affirmed him aft the dinner..every1 more or less said the same thing abt him..which i wld say is v true..he's a really sweet brother..a v affirming person..always msging us to encourage us..i still keep some of his messages..it's really nice2hav some1 who actually took wat u shared seriously n msgin u aft tt to tell u tt it impacted him..it's also nice2hav sum1 rem ur departure date..sumhow becos i've been flyin so v often, ppl dun really bother2msg me2wish me bon voyage or c me off etc..so i feel v loved n treasured when sum1 actually remembers n msges me..i guess sumtimes i do feel insecure..havin been alone by myself for so long..i juz wanna feel tt i've not been forgotten tt's all..

anw..shall share here wat Florence shared in her affirmation:
S: Sincere, Servant's heart (to others, to God)
W:Willing
E:Eager
E:Enthusiastic
T:Teachable

haha..think there was alot more adjectives, but cant rem all here..so juz the more impt ones :) Overall it was a great gathering n dinner!love my CG n sisters who have moved over to the new CG..thanks bros n sisters!u guys r the best..heh..mayb tt's y God placed me bk in Sg:)

thots on backsliding..

Food for thought..

Why issit tt ppl backslide??Havent they tasted the gdness of God's fruits n righteousness b4??

I was thinkg to myself juz now..hav i ever told God i wanted to quit following Him??In fact i realise tt i've done tt many times b4..juz tt mayb in the recent yr or 2 i've ceased doin so..

So y did i ever haf such a thot of giving up?it was when things din seem to go my way n my emotions were hitting rock-bottom..tt was when i asked God y HE wasnt there for me?Y din HE ans my prayers??

As i look bk at how foolish i was then..i c the weakest link btw me n God--EMOTIONS..true..they r intangible..but tt's precisely y we r so affected by them..Satan mks use of our emotions to distance us fr God..it's not tt God isnt there for us..neither is it cos HE doesnt ans our prayers..it's juz tt we're always so bogged down by our own emotions(n self-centredness) tt we fail2c tt amidst everythg, God has always been by our side supporting us..

Aft so many ups n downs in my life..disappointments, crushing news, changes..i realise tt at the moment when sth bad happens n we're totally helpless, we tend to blame God for our predicament n ask Him y He has forsaken us..but aft the whole thing when we look bk, i realise tt He has already ans my prayers during the time i was wallowing in self-pity n blaming Him..so stubborn in my view tt He has forsaken me tt i've failed to c His grace upon mi..haha..of cos i may still b stubborn enuff to reject the fact tt He has ans my prayers n tt everythg has gone bk to normal cos of His grace..n tt's prob y ppl backslide--cos they've closed their hearts to the fact tt God is always there for them..instead, they rather believe tt fate is in their own hands..

When u think that God is far away fr u n not by ur side, tt is when God is actually the closest to u..as long as u r willing to humble urself, open ur heart n ask Him for help, He'l definitely do so!

God's promises:
"If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it."~John 14:14
"I will not leave you comfortless:I will come to you."~John 14:18

I guess it's normal to feel disillusioned sometimes esp when we've hit rock bottom n it seems as tho there's no 1 there for u..aft all we're humans n r emotional ppl..sumtimes it's juz Satan trying to draw me away fr God, sumtimes it's juz a test fr God to force me to grow..but sumhow now tt i've matured in my walk w Him n tasted His goodness, I can confidently say tt i'l NOT turn away fr Him..

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves--it is the gift of God--not by works, so tt no1 can boast"~Eph 2:8-9

God has actually given us a gift of faith n grace so actually if we juz use them, we'l b saved:) it is God's gift to us n not by our own deeds!wat's preventing those who have backslided to go bk to Him?the disappointment n hurt once faced?by who?Ppl in church?or God?I noe of a few ppl who backslided cos of persecution fr church..but wat did God say in the Bible?

"In fact everyone who wans to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will b persecuted, while evil men will go from bad to worse,deceiving and being deceived."2Tim 3:12-13

So God has already known tt we wld b persecuted as Christians..as long as we're living in the world..who ever said all church ppl r holy?if we turn away fr God cos of Man n their persecution, then we're quite stupid arent we?cos God has already warned us this will happen..n 100% of the time it's not cos tt person who persecuted u is evil but becos Satan has made use of him!so it's actually Satan who's persecuting u!!!haha..isnt it ironic?!

n get it rt..God doesnt disappoint!in fact most of the time it's cos we turn our backs to Him tt's y it seems lyk He's nvr ard..but if we actually turn ard He's rt there w His arms wide open!:)n come to think of it, i think we disappoint Him alot of times lol!

another thot i was thinkg was abt our parents..y did they decide to hav us?for fun?to tk care of them when they're old?i was doin the sums n the thing is we can nvr repay our parents wat they've given us in monetary terms!for eg. our parents give us pocket $ till we end uni ard 21,22..not forgetting the amt they spend on us b4 we were even born!haha..on baby pdts n checkups=pbut how many more yrs can they live?mayb another 10+,20 yrs?so actually if they had us so tt they'l get more benefits, i think they'l b better saving tt money for their retirement!think of how much they'l save manz?!so my conclusion is they had us to love us..to have sth to care for..(i'm referring to majority of the parents in Sg here lah)

likewise w God..He din create us cos He wanted sum1 to tk care of Him..He created us to love us..when we're naughty, He'l b upset, when we're gd n listen to Him, He'l b pleased..everythg we hav comes fr Him--our lives, wat we wear,wat we eat etc..so how can it b tt God isnt there for us when He din ans ur prayers in the way u wan?!

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, n yet ur heavenly Father feeds them. Are u not much more valuable than they?"Matt 6:26

so to those who r feel disillusioned n helpless n hav no1 to turn to..go bk to the Lord..dun feel guilty or tt He'l ignore u..repent n seek His forgiveness cos He's a merciful God n He'l gladly tk u bk into His embrace once again..Let's ctn to back in the joy of knowing Him yar?bros n sisters!heh..jiayou!!!:)

CG time:)

Had a grt time dota-ing w the brothers today!lucky all the sisters were quite game to try tho i wasnt so keen at 1st cos i've seen my bro play n seems lyk a v crappy game=p but to my contrary it was fun!haha..

well..wanna thank e bros for bein so patient w us sisters cos they had to sacrifice their own game sumtimes juz to teach us=p special thx esp to Zuo-teng-teng(e real one!) n Wilson for teaching n helpg me out!haha..Wilson's the "shen" in the game lol!super zai!

Wenjiang today sat in w us for dinner n brought up a few qns lyk how we felt abt our CG esp aft restructuring..kena arrowed by Xingni..haha..but was willing to share lah cos i really love my CG now!not tt i dun miss havin the other sisters ard juz tt now as a smaller CG, there's more interaction among us..at least i got to noe the sisters better n get to interact n crap ard more w the bros..

sorta made mi think bk to the times when i was in Melb n was facg the same situation..it sorta struck mi tt wat God wans u to experience u can nvr escape no matter how hard u tried..i guess part of the reason y i came bk SG was cos i din wanna face multiplication n get split fr my CG where i was already comfortably settled in..but thinkg bk retrospectively, mayb tt change wldnt hav been so bad aft all..juz lyk how i'm takin it ok now:)

sumtimes God tries to tell u sth but u resist n wanna do it ur way..i think tt is sth which i struggle w v often..even w the baptism name thing..yar i may think tt was his reply but was it actually my stubborness instead??haha..but of cos at this pt of time i wld say it's HIS cfmation=p it's only a few yrs down the rd then u can c if tt was the route he wanted me to tk anot cos it's so true tt if it's not in His will, i will sumhow end up at the same starting pt again=p

And my NEW baptism name is...

Sarah Faith Tan!!heh..yup i finally decided on 2 names..at first was undecided so wanted to put both but during today's service God confirmed my decision to put both down..haha..so let me relate my testimony=p

Have been searchg for a baptism name since i decided to go for water bap again..as usual my parents felt there was no need since my whole family was baptised wout a Christian name (even mi when i was young!)to them, it is of little significance..but i had this conviction tt a baptism name is supposed to b ur commitment to God..of wat kinda person u wanna b..

I was deciding btw a few lyk Shana, Gabrielle, Danielle, Isabelle..yest as i was searchg w my mum(who was on the other side of the phone n world) i dunno y but the name Sarah juz impressed upon my heart..i was resisting it cos 1 of my ex-neighbours who happened to b my gor's ex was called Sarah so din wanna b called the same name as sum1 i knew..but when yest was over, Isabelle seemed to b the best choice..cos i lyked the meaning ("God's promise") n my mum lyked the sound of it..She din lyk Faith cos she thot it's too blatant n a 1 syllabus word wasnt v nice-soundg..but i lyked it cos i wanted to b a 'woman of faith' esp since i felt tt God has given me the gift of faith (rem fr a conversation w Daryl)..but b4 i slpt, I prayed to God abt it..askg for a sign thru ppl or the service the nxt day to cfm the name..

haha..this morn aft tuition, I called my mum n she told me she thot abt it n felt Sarah was suitable..but still i had my doubts..then today's service was nowhere near Genesis nor was it a lesson on faith..n i was thinkg it's quite impossible to put faith n Sarah tog in 1 sermon or topic..in fact the theme: "God's Promise" kept caming up to mi..n i was thinkg to myself..Die..i dowan to b called Isabelle..how God??muz i really obey??But interestingly, during the sermon, we had to turn to Rom 3 to read a verse..n tt was when Rom 4 caught my eye..It was abt Faith of Abraham..haha..note the word FAITH!then i was thinkg to myself..yah..it seems lyk faith as also been comin up to me this whole service but will it juz b faith or sarah n faith?n i read Rom 4..but nowhere in the pg did Sarah come up..juz as i was 'losing hope' n thinkg mayb juz faith, Sarah was mentioned rt at the end of the passage on e nxt pg!haha..n seriously i was quite pleasantly surprised by this 'supernatural' confirmation=p

Yup so this whole episode juz goes to show how amazing God is in our lives n how serious it is to pray for cfmation!cos HE'll ans in the most unexpected ways!!=p

Anw..for those who wanna come give me support, I'll b water baptised at YMCA(opp Dhoby Ghaut, behind Park Mall) at 3pm on 29th Oct (Sun)..so do come down n witness my "Rebirth" k?!:)

A prayer for breakthrough: DUN compare with others!!!

Have another pt to share..sth tt was brought up at the end which i thot was really applicable to me!n i was the one who eventually found e verse!haha..perhaps tt's wat God wans to say to me:)

"And I saw tt all labour & all achievement spring fr man's envy of this neighbour. This too is meaningless, a chasing aft the wind." ~Ecc 4:4

When I saw tt verse, it totally juz struck me..I've been struggling w this aspect for a v v long time..cos i'm a v prideful n arrogant gal..someone who's quite competitive n loves to compare myself w others. Tt's y i always prefer2study alone n coop myself up in my rm the whole day n b isolated fr the world. I am v affected by ppl ard me. How they c me, how they treat me..i've always felt hurt at giving n not receiving..in friendships esp..

One of my fav phrases is "Man fails but God doesnt!" This is a lesson I've learnt time n again..in fact almost every sem!haha..was reading this newsppr article on friendship in Sat's ppr..a sentence struck me, "Our downplayg of friendship in adult life is somewhat sad when, fr our childhood days, we hav had a tendency2veer towards a best fren. Most come2expect less of frens aft disappointmts n e experience of waning frenships as ppl go thru diff phrases of life."

In fact, this was sth which i've been experiencing recently w 1 of my best fren..we used to b super close..fr JC, to 1st yr o uni, even thru Aust where our frenship was long-dist..but an accumulation of negative feelgs towards our frenship started shifting my commitment away..so much so tt i am now unwilling to give as much as b4 cos i feel unappreciated..every sem i wld feel super upset cos o our frenship..but i've started to tk things w a pinch o salt as i realise tt we go thru diff phrases in life n thus frenships do change..of cos not sayg tt we arent best frens now but juz tt the intensity has changed sumwat..

N i think 1 of the factors is competition.n i think it's my fault..cos i'm the more competitive one. I cant perform under pressure..esp fr myself!i need to b in a stress-free pl(stress free fr myself actually)in order to perform!i'm too much of a perfectionist ba..but wat God has taught me today is tt i've gotta stop pressurising myself by comparing myself w others. He is fair, He gives us indiv giftings n talents..wat i excel in or am blessed in will differ fr others..there is NO ABSOLUTE benchmark ard!Thus it is indeed meaningless to compare w ppl!

Prayer Point: Lord, I pray for the strengthening of my spirit to say NO to Satan's taunting. I pray tt I may not sucuumb to the worldly recognitions but to b content w wat I have. Let me learn to count my blessings instead of being envious of my neighbours. Cos Lord, U r my Jehovah Jireh n I noe tt U do provide for me. I pray for a breakthrough in this area oh dear Lord.. tt my heart will stand firm amidst all those temptations fr the Devil. Ctn to guide mi in ur ways so tt I can emerge victorious in this race. In Jesus most precious name, Amen.

On Tithing..

Had a lesson on tithing aft my jap lesson..Big 4 Networking nite was today but din sign up for it cos saw it as a waste of my time since i already had an offer and i dun think i wld ultimately end up in auditing..even if i did, i already noe which Big 4 i wanna go so well..no pt missing jap juz to go..

Had dinner at the Quad n saw my dearez jnr--Rosa there!haha..super long nvr c her so was quite delighted to do so:)Anw, today's teaching was on tithing n stewardship..

Xingni began by asking us wat we thot stewardship meant?Definition: a practice of systematic & proportional giving of our time, ability & material possessions based on the conviction tt these r a trust fr God2b used4His service4 the benefit of His kingdom.

To be honest, I've always hada problem w tithing..many c mi as well-to-do..n i do admit tt i'm fr an above-av family..but sumhow i'm quite "stingy" abt money..as in whenever i buy anythg, i wld think twice abt the px n i wld browse ard to look for the cheapest deal..but of cos i dun really lyk to compromise quality n brand so i do spend on expensive stuff at times..

Tithe: 1 tenth. Lev 27:30. Basically, wateva we have, 10% belongs to the Lord..i guess my unwillingness to tithe stems fr young when i've been brought up w the mentality tt those were in the OT days n doesnt apply to modern times. But aft the teachg, i've come to a conclusion tt it REALLY is TRULY an EXCUSE for ppl lyk me. True, nowhere in the NT does it state tt tithing is compulsory..but juz lyk wat Xingni pointed out: Everythg belongs to the Lord. So, tithing is actually giving bk a fraction of wat the Lord has blessed us with isnt it?!

Promise fr God:
"Bring the whole tithe into the storehse, tt there may b food in my hse. Test me in this..& c if I'll not throw open the floodgates of heaven & pour out so much blessg tt u'll not hav rm enuff for it."~Malachi 3:10

In fact tithe is re-investing wat God has initially given us to bless other ppl..i understand tt there has been many scandals abt churches misappropriating the funds to pay its ministers fat pays but i agreed w wat Xingni said..tt we r aft all human beings..in e 1st place y Jesus was sent to die on the cross was cos we were sinful in nature..so Man err..it's common..y shd we fault the rest when it's 1 or 2 black sheeps in e lot?!No Man is wout sin..but if the org's doin it for a gd cause n aft dealg w the few tt were doing wrong, i think we shd ctn to support it!

Stds of tithing
Exodus 23:19 "...best..firstfruits.."
God does not look at the absolute amt but at the heart of the person who tithes..In short, DUN give God ur leftovers but give Him the best..1 of the brothers brought up the qn on wat is the best?in my opinion, the best is wat we value the most to the best of our abilities..it can b $$, time, habits etc..sth which we cant bear to let go or give..it's indeed hard to step out of my comfort zone n give my best..aft all we're humans n r a self-centred lot!But the lesson here is to put God as ur priority..

Wat really convicted me at the end was Xingni's own testimony..noeing she comes fr a not so well off family, but yet she tries her best to honour this n partitions her pay to God first b4 her family n her study loan..it juz struck me at tt moment wat a woman of God she is..i wan to become juz lyk her..but i realise tt Satan has such a bondage over me tt it's quite difficult to experience a breakthrough..i really need to learn to b more humble n put God as my 1st priority.

But i really lyk wat she told her mum when her mum questioned her on tithing..she replied, "If i dun even give God who is intangible my pay, I may even one day not even give u.." Her basis is tt nobody noes if she tithes..so she's not accountable to anyone in tt aspect but her parents r tangible beings..the fact tt she is still tithing n giving to her parents at the same time means tt she is disciplined n also responsible..I muz say i really admire her strength to overcome such a temptation not to tithe!

Seriously, b4 this teaching, I was thinkg up all sorts of excuse not to tithe..but now I do realise tt God has indeed blessed me far more..it's so true tt we can nvr outgive wat God has given us cos everythg of ours r fr Him!if God decides to give me a pay rise of $1000, n i hav to give an increase tithe of $100, altho tt's a huge sum of money but come to think of it, God has blessed me with $900 more din he?!:)

So i guess the main thing we've gotta understand abt tithing is tt God is our Jehovah Jireh. He has provided us w everythg we hav..financially n talents..He doesnt need our tithing at all!But juz tt we've gotta acknoledge e fact tt He is our Provider n we depend on Him..

of cos i do agree tt 10% is alot to me..there's this opportunity cost..lyk i can use tt $$ to buy more vcds, tk taxi etc..it's difficult to tithe since we live in a materialistic world where everythg is abt money..but yet we're Christians n thus live in Christ too..I have no idea when i'll truly learn to let go n start tithing seriously but i do want to try it out..cos i believe tt God can c my heart n ctn to bless me abundantly:)

Prayer point:Dear Lord, I pray tt u free me fr the bondage of money.Let me understand wat true giving means. I want to give my best to u n not the leftovers. Lord, teach me to give bk to u juz as how u've unconditionally blessed me. Thank u Lord for this lesson.In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

PS: I was told yest to give my tuition kid 2hrs lesson twice a wk, 1 hr eng, 1 hr maths. haha..so tt's an increase of $100 a mth for me!heh..tt's how it really got me thinkg abt the r/ship btw God's blessings n tithing:)

Going back to my First Love..:)

Another food for thought..

In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets. (Matthew 7:12 NRS).

I have been struggling recently with "jealousy"..not really jealousy but along that line..I always lament abt y my frens seem to b neglecting me, how i feel that nobody really cares and I get upset n jealous when my 2 gd frens start hanging out more often in hall, always gg to ea other's rms to chat or for meals etc..

I'm a rather passive kinda person, or mayb arrogant?i dunno..but i refuse to tk the 1st step to initiate anythg..i wan ppl to come up to mi n ask mi how i'm doing..sumtimes i feel tt when i do tk tt initiative, my efforts go unappreciated n ppl do not do the same bk to u..as time went by, i guess i've developed a "selfish" attitude..

But is God's love equally selfish?!NO!I've not been an obedient child..i dun put Him in the centre of my life, alot of times, other commitments n worldly stuff take precedence over Him..i dun pray as much these days, i dun read my bible often..BUT YET God has NEVER stopped loving me and taking care of me..i noe thru the little things He does for me..sometimes i may feel alone n forsaken by everyone..even God n i'l ask Him y He has not answered my frustrations n mk things better..alot of times, we always ask y He is not there by our sides, but have we ever asked ourselves if we were ever there with Him in the first place?!

I think the 1st n utmost thing to do is actually to go back to Him..God is always ard..but we tend to forget His presence n ctn on w our mundane routine..only to find ourselves drawn further n further away..

haha..i realise tt i've drifted fr the 1st topic of not doin unto others wat we do not wan to happen to ourselves..heh..so besides going bk to Him, we have to demonstrate love towards ppl ard us..they may not love us but God does!it's quite sad cos i bet many of them also think that the world dun love them so by loving them, we're showing God's love for them through us!of cos, it's nvr ez showing love, esp to ppl who r so un-lovable!i struggle with love many times..i hate to always b the one giving n not receiving..but yet when i think abt how Jesus so willingly died for us on the Cross..this sacrificial love is way above our superficial love for Him..so how can we say we r not receiving??

Prayer Point: Dear Father, I thank u for your everlasting n sacrificial love:) I pray that u'll break my heart of stone n self-centredness n change my heart to one that is filled with ur love so tt i may love the ppl ard mi. I pray that the bondage of jealousy n envy which Satan has on me will b broken n instead may I feel ur Love in my heart. Lord, I wan a breakthrough. I dowan to remain stagnant and always b in e receiving end. I want to break away fr the stronghold of Satan. Let my pride b broken, Take me bk to my first love which is U Oh Lord..the feelg of U close to me, the feelg of only having to depend on U..the joy of having Ur love envelope me.Free me from Satan so that I may love my Lord wholeheartedly. I thank u Father..In Jesus most precious name, Amen..

Sometimes i'm rather afraid of praying for a breakthrough, for God to break me down cos i noe that the feelg of helplessness n the pain of the brokeness will b too much for me to bear..but i muz ctn to haf faith in God for it is written that "..God is faithful;he will not let you b tempted beyond what u can bear. But when u r tempted, he will also provide a way out so that u can stand up under it." (1Cor 10:12)

Fasting

Fasting now as my whole CG's fasting a meal today to pray for this coming week..exams r nearing, proj deadlines coming n we're bogged down w so many worldly things..pray for God's presence to b felt daily even tho we're bz..pray that we may not draw far fr Him..

Seriously, I've got a prob w fasting cos i'm someone who loves to eat..have fasted b4 but not really seriously fasting..or so i think..cos in my view, fasting has to b done in conjunction w prayer..as in the whole time we fast, we've gotta pray n not juz pray for 15min, half an hr..

Juz now as I was bathing, a thought struck me..Jesus Christ fasted for 40days..wow!tt's a grt feat!i cant even tk a day n he can actually fast for 40days n not give in to any temptation by the Devil?!

Reading Matt 4 on the above story..n i realise that it's true that often as human beings, we give in to temptations..esp when Satan purposely chooses the 3 main weaknesses we tend to possess:
1. Physical needs and desires
2. Possessions and power
3, Pride
As I read the above list, i realise that I am constantly tempted by them..I cant go hungry, I love to take control of things and I have an extremely strong pride!But when Jesus was tempted, he actually said "..Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes fr the mouth of God"(Matt 4:4) He could have turned the stones into bread to satisfy his hunger but he chose not to..he chose to obey God..

Obeying God is really the key here..having the fear of the Lord in our hearts..knowing that He'll eventually reward n provide for those hu love n obey Him..

Prayer point: Dear Father, I recognise that I've not been an obedient child. I tend to lean on my own understanding and not seek ur will. I pray that this stubborness of mine would b broken down and I can once again c ur face..Thank you Father for your fatihfulness:)

Was really hungry juz now..now feelg much better..i realise that when u place ur faith in the Lord, no matter how bad things r, u will get through it n claim ur reward..it's juz the process that's painful..but God is always there to guide us..